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The Lighter Side Of Mobile Homes

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How Are A Texas Tornado And A Tennessee Divorce The Same? Either way, somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer.

Fine Schools...Great Neighborhood...One Owner

The Blonde and the Motor Home

A blonde goes to a restaurant, buys a coffee and sits down to drink it. She looks on the side of her cup and finds a peel off prize label. She pulls off the tab and yells, "I WON! I WON! I WON a motor home, I WON a motor home!"

The waitress runs over and says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize given away was a mini van!"

The blonde replies, "No. I WON A motor home, I WON a motor home!"

By this time the manager makes his way over to the table and says, "You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we didn't have that as a prize!"

Again the blonde says, "No, no mistake, I WON a motor home, I WON a motor home!"

The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, "WIN A BAGEL."

Honey....Ain't She A Bute?

Oklahoma: a giant mobile home park to attract tornadoes away from the rest of the country.

How to Tell if Your Mobile Home is Haunted

1. A can of Skoal mysteriously floats through the air.

2. Blood drips out of your simulated wood paneling.

3. The eyes on the velvet Elvis painting move.

4. The room is spinning, and you’re not even drunk yet.

5. That car in your front yard isn’t on blocks -- it's levitating by itself.

6. Your dog, Bo, gets sucked into the TV set, and he's blocking your view of rasslin'.

7. That mysterious scratching below the floorboards? The Telltale Raccoon.

8. The chain the ghost rattles is attached to his wallet.

9. You feel an eerie presence every time "Freebird" plays on the radio.

10. The trailer is shaking, but there’s no tornado in sight.

More Warning Signs...

11. Your Dale Earndhart bed sheets have eyeholes cut in them.

12. The ghost is completely invisible except for the tobacco juice running down his chin.

13. Mysterious footsteps seem to be stomping out “Achy Breaky Heart.”

14. There's a funny howlin' noise comin' from the corn crib--no wait that's Jimmy.

15. You hear strange moaning—but only during Shania Twain videos.

16. You're missing four PBR's, and the missus only drinks Old Milwaukee.

17. The lights turn on and off even though you paid the power bill.

18. You hear blood-curdling screams, but both neighbors are still in jail.

19. You get a mysterious phone call that says, "I know what you did last NASCAR race."

20. Instead of saying "boo" the ghost says "boo-ya'll!"

21. The veneer of window grime looks just like Calvin... and he's peeing on YOU!!

22. Instead of naked women, your playing cards, all of a sudden, have pictures of covered bridges on them.

23. The folks on Jenny Jones discuss domestic problems that eerily resemble your own.

24. You get a creepy feelin' and it ain't because Richard Simmons is on TV.

25. You come home one day and it's clean.

One Day I'm Goin' To Fix This Place Up...Burp!

Mobile Home Owners Las Vegas

Woody ain’t here!

While working as a deputy sheriff in Lake County, which is a small rural county in the northern part of Michigan’s lower peninsula, I went on a call of a breaking and entering of a mobile home.

I arrived to find the owners outside the home, and quickly discovered the home had been broken into. The damage to the doorway was obvious. It was winter time, and all footprint evidence was being covered with a snowfall. My department did not have a tracking dog, so I made a request for a tracking dog from the nearby State Police Post.

The trooper arrived with his tracking dog, and the dog quickly picked up the track. The dog followed the track across an open field toward an area where I knew there were other mobile homes. The track led right up to one of these homes. I had dealt with the owner of this home many times. I knew he was a likely candidate for the break-in at the nearby home.

The dog was unrelenting. He got on the track, and followed it steadily to this residential door. His reaction at the door was very strong - he was excited, scratching at the door, and whining. The handler and I tried the door and it was unlocked. Once open we could see fresh snow tracked toward the back of the home.

The handler allowed the dog to enter the residence. The dog quickly ran to the back of the home and stuck his head under a bed in the bedroom furthest back in the home. The dog would not come out from under the bed.

I stuck the barrel of my shotgun under the bed and said, “Come on out Woody.”

The reply, from under the bed was, “Woody ain’t here.”

Woody spent another year in the County Jail upon his conviction for breaking and entering.

Well That Didn't Work

You know you're really trailer trash when...

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kids.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

Jack Daniel's makes your list of "Most Admired People."

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You wonder how gas stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Someone in your family died right after saying "Hey, y'all watch this!"

Your Junior / Senior prom had a daycare.

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.

Ya' can't git married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a dang law against it.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.


They Say Home Delevery Will Be By Noon

We'll Leave This One Up To You!

Mi...crooked, letter, crooked letter...i, crooked letter,

crooked letter...i, hump back, hump back...i


Two redneck good-ol-boys, Bubba-Joe and Lester were on the roof of their Mobile Home, doing some patch work, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder.

"I have an idea," said Bubba-Joe. "We'll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder."

"What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea" said Lester, "I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light."

"What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there."

Flower Power

Best Exspresso In Louisiana

J.P. Gohe

Van Gohe's Brother


You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

-You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

-Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

-You burn your yard rather than mow it.

-You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

-The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

-You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

-You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

-You come back from the dump with more than you took.

- You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

- Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

- Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

-You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

-You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

- You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

-You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

-You have a rag for a gas cap.

-Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

-You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

-You can spit without opening your mouth.

-You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

-Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

-You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

-The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

-Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

-You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

-A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

-You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

-You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

-You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.

-You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table . . . in front of her kids.

-You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

-You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

-Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people."

-You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

-Anyone in your family ever died right after saying: "Hey watch this."

-You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

-Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

-Your junior prom had a daycare.

-You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are:
"Gentlemen start your engines."

-You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

-The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.

-You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

-One of your kids was born on a pool table.

-You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

-You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

-You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk.

-Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

-Your front porch collapses and kills more than five animals.

-At some point in your life you've been too drunk to fish.

-The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

A Little Paint & She'll Be Right As Rain!

I would not want to be a mobile home repo man. Those would be hard to sneak away - "Knock knock - Hi, would you go cut your grass and look that way for a half an hour?"

My Favorite Osarks Diner

A question on the Mississippi Engineering Exam

7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?


My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got half way. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.

No Place Like Home!

I like cottage cheese. That's why I want to try other dwelling cheeses, too. How about studio apartment cheese? Tent cheese? Mobile home cheese? Do not eat mobile home cheese in a tornado.

And Proud Of It!

Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Birmingham, Alabama burned down?
A: Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.

Trailer Park in the Sky

"Ghostriders in the Sky" Based on the performance by
"Trailer Park in the Sky"
A realtor went out looking on one dark and windy day
Upon a ridge he rested as he searched along his way
When all at once a greedy thought of dollar signs he saw
By clearing off the mountainside and trailers he will sprawl.

Their sides were made of aluminum, their frames were made of steel
They pulled them in by tractors, they came in on their wheels
A bolt of fear spread through the town as the trailers thundered by
For they saw the white trash coming and the locals they did cry.

Yippie yi Ohhhhh
Yippie yi Yaaaaaay
Trailer Park in the Sky.

Their teeth are gone, their eyes are blurred, their shirts are stained with sweat
They're always working on their cars but none are running yet
And they're forever asking to use the phone or for a ride
Their front yards filled with tires
And you hear their neighbors cry.

As the neighbors put their homes for sale, the park brought only shame
If you want you to get out from this hell, you'll have to leave the range
All must quickly sell their homes before the market value slides
Cause no one wants to have a house with trailers on both sides.

Yippie yi Ohhhhh
Yippie yi Yaaaaaay

Trailer Park in the Sky.
Trailer Park in the Sky
Trailer Park in the Sky

Guess He Forgot To Pay The Gas Bill Again

Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Birmingham, Alabama burned down?
A: Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.

A Trailer Park Valentine:

Collards is green
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flappin' in the breeze
Softer than Blue's
without all them fleas.

You move like the bass
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfyin' as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as snuff
right out of the can.

You have some of yore teeth
for which I am proud.
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a Mississippi junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete,
ain't nothin' I lack.

Yore complexion is perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin',
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me "n" you's like a moon pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day,
they git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger,
"That's impressive", I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, all suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,
these won't do.
Cause yo're too special,
you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,
without taste or odor,
more useful than diamonds,
it's a new trollin' motor!
Yipppeee...Yee ha!

Happy Valentine's Day, ya'll!

For Sale.........Beautiful Lake Front Property

Travel Games

Cow Game

How to Play:
Each person (or team, if there are four or more players) is assigned the right or left windows of the vehicle. Each person (or team) counts the number of cows they see out "their" side. Cows are counted until the trip is completed. The catch? If a cemetery is spotted on "their" side of the road, "their" cows must be "buried," and they begin counting cows again, starting from zero. The side with the most cows at the end of the trip wins. If you are traveling in an area without cows, the game could be played with other objects, such as mailboxes.

Bury Your Horses

What You'll Need:

* Two eyes and a mouth

How to Play:
Everyone in the vehicle watches for horses and cemeteries. The first person to see a horse claims that horse and gets to add it to their count. The first person to see a cemetery shouts out "Bury Your Horses!" and everyone else but the shouter's horse count goes back to zero. Repeat. The first one who counts 50 horses wins!

License Plate Challenge

What You'll Need:

* A good pair of eyes
* and your brain. :)

How to Play:
Player(s) look out the windows while on highway and search for different license plates. (Plates of other states/provinces). Begin by saying what state or province that plate is from, (In the beginning, it can be any plate), the player(s) then have to find a license plate beginning with the last letter of the first plate. (e.g. If a player finds a VermonT plate, they must find a license plate beginning with the letter "T" e.g. Tennessee, Texas, etc. Game stops when player(s) can't find a state/province with that plate, or when player(s) give up.

Game Notes:
For states or provinces with two or more words (e.g. New York) search for a plate beginning with K (e.g. Kansas) Game can also be played the same way with anything else (e.g. Car makes/models, animals, ect)

Name Game

How to Play:
Players first decide on a category of names, such as TV or movie stars, musicians, athletes, etc. One player begins by naming someone in that category, such as "Michael Jordan." The next player then names someone beginning with the same letter as the last name of "Jordan," such as "Joe Montana." Players take turns until someone gives up. The game can begin again with a different category.

Game Notes:
If you are playing with more than two players, you can add this challenge. If player one says "Daffy Duck" and player two says "Donald Duck,it is player one's turn again rather than player three's turn. This is because player two named someone whose first and last names had the same initials as player one.

The End

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